Adopt-To take up and make one’s own
January 15, 2009
This post is classified as “Sensitive Material”.
This topic has caused me controversy in the past, and my intent here is to share my feelings on the subject, to where it has led me today, and to gain feedback, resources, and certainly, a dialogue, if you readers are game. But since its something close to my heart, I’m just letting you know, in advance. Sensitive.
Ever since I was 13, I’ve known I wanted to adopt children.
As I grew up in rural Washington state, I had what we nowadays call a tickle, a sense of my path and how I would be affecting the world. I want to say that I understood and accepted it, but really, it scared the fritz out of me.I knew these things would come to pass, but how? And when? and with Who?
Fast forward almost 15 years later, and I’ve since found out some information about my own birth, and the people who helped raised me, that even more strongly convinces me that Adoption is the course I want to take. Though now, I’ve done some reading, and found out some astonishing things. For example, there is such a thing as open and semi-open adoption, where the birth family does not lose all contact with the adoptive family, as a matter of fact, can sometimes be very involved. I decided in my mid 20′s that semi-open or open was the only way for me.
It’s amazing the reactions I’ve had from others over the years whenever I bring it up, or it comes up–
“What have you got against having children?”
“You know my friend so-and-so was so screwed up from being adopted.”
“It’s very expensive and it takes years, you know.”
*Blank stare*
*Uncomfortable shifting away,or incredulous anger*
“Are you saying I’m hurting the planet by having kids?”
and in relationships, “Well.. I’ve always sort of… kind of… wanted one of my own.”
So very much of these reactions has been projection. , but my feelings about adoption come from a very clear, defined space.
1)I care very deeply about the state of over-population.I consider myself a social scientist, and an observer and participant in Cultural Evolution.
2)I don’t care if the child is mine, there are children here on this planet, alive, that need love, care, and families.
3)I don’t know my own roots very well, nor what I would be subjecting a child to-ie, alcoholism, insanity, genetic defects, diabetes, etc. I accept that those factors may be present in a child already here that I want to bring into my family.
4)I will not wait to be married to have children.
5)I have still, at 34 years old, had minimal to no maternal urgings to create my own.Not to mention the difficulties that some of the studies are starting to show for the children of women who give birth over 35. Rises in autism, obesity, and other conditions that we as a culture are not necessarily prepared for.
6)And finally, I’ve just always known, deep down, that even if I don’t adopt officially, children will be in my life. Around me. Considering me part of their family.
So I’ve decided to take a very scary leap this year. I’m going to go and meet with several adoption agencies, and find out what it would take to start an adoption. Am I considered a good candidate? What needs to be done? How long will the process take? I am ready to face some of the answers to these questions.
Niki on Thu, 22nd Jan 2009 12:21 am
I believe I have expressed this before, but I think it is awesome that you intend to adopt. My parents attempted to adopt when I was young (they really wanted me to have a sibling), but made some choices which put that dream out of reach.
I have often thought that I would very much like to experience pregnancy – once. And that for any subsequent children I’d like to consider adoption. This may have to do with a (well-appreciated at the time, yes indeed) miscarriage from my early 20s. I want to experience full-term birth (knock-wood). But, I don’t think a child has to grow inside your body in order for you to love, nurture, and raise her. Now that I am a stepmom, it looks like I might have reversed the order of things (I can’t imagine adding on more kids in my 40s, at least not as Mom).
I think that open adoption is a wonderful thing. I imagine it takes some strength of character from all sides. But anything that gives a child more people who love and care for it is a good thing, I say.
Congratulations on reaching this point, sweetie. Please know you can always call upon me for support in this.
amy.leblanc on Thu, 22nd Jan 2009 1:26 am
i feel pretty much the same way in terms of #s 1,2,3 and 5. as for number 4, i think if i did have a child WITH SOMEONE, i would want to be in a legally binding relationship with them when it happened. i would never chose to be a single mother. as for 6, i don’t really care either way if children are in my life. i think if i really wanted more children in my life, i would become a teacher.
amy.leblanc’s last blog post..1/16-1/20+
dee on Thu, 19th Feb 2009 10:02 am
I think that deciding to be a parent or mentor to a child or to many children is a very personal decision. Whether this happens through birth, adoption, foster care, child care, education, or through bloodlines, the responsibility and capacity to love a small person through their journey to adulthood is one that deserves a great deal of investment.
My only commentary for you and/or for those who have previously responded to you, as you’ve broached the subject of adoption, is to respect each person’s decision and their stance on children- even when it does not match your own. We all come from a variety of different backgrounds and Life does not let us loose without rendering some emotional bumps and bruises along the way. That being said, there are very distinct reasons- often very personal- that drive people to make the choices that they do, even when they may not be able to articulate exactly what those reasons are.
I support you in whatever direction you go.
Brenda on Thu, 26th Feb 2009 4:22 pm
You should talk to my BFF Brendan. They are in the process of concluding their adoption. The birth mother is due on March 9 and they are doing semi-open. He said their adoption agency was really awesome to work with. YAY for giving good homes to all children!