Getting Absolved-Thanks, Jesus

January 13, 2009

I have been keeping something to myself. A shame I couldn’t face, because no one was asking me to face it. Literally, the people who I betrayed and let down, have essentially already absolved me. I see them, they are kind, friendly and open to me. And yet, they gave me money at one point, in good faith, and never saw the results of the project they gave towards.

In the course of the last 3 years, I’ve been on a journey of self-awareness with money and its power over every element of my life. I’ve paid off my debts to the IRS, the State of California, and to my credit card companies. I’ve increased my FICO score by over 100 points in one year. I’ve taken on financial responsibility that would’ve made me pass out in the past. I’ve become the woman I’ve always dreamed I would be.

And yet, this final debt, that I’ve finally owned, out loud, to my best friend, my lover, and the people involved, is a retribution owed to my friends. And I’ve asked them if they will help me complete my journey through Money by paying them back every penny I owe them from 6 years ago. And yesterday, I had my first response. He said “Good for you for being brave. I will cheerfully accept the money back with no hard feelings”.

I am paying back my friends. I am paying back myself the empowerment I need to manifest my big dream, opening my own business. I am stepping into the light and acknowledging that in my imperfections, I can do right by those in my past. It feels amazing. The water of absolution.

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