I am lonely.
April 16, 2009
You know, I’ve never heard a woman say these words to me before. It’s something I believe we all go through, but we don’t like to stay in that feeling, and I’ve witnessed countless methods by women to scurry out of the arena called Loneliness. Some of them have been constructive. Most of them, not so much. As I’ve spent the last couple of months tossing and turning at night for want of a strong pair of arms around me, I realized it, got comfortable with it, and proceeded to watch my various friends partner up, commit, make plans, and move on with a life, together.
Don’t get me wrong. I know relationships are work, and they are not idyllic.One of the worst feelings in the world is to be with someone, and still feel alone. I’ve had my share of that a time or two. And for some reason, I tend to attract partners as they are going through large transitions, and after the transition is coming to a close, I seem to exit with all the other flotsum and jetsum.
But the gift in a relationship? The thing that makes it feel like a cold river of water on your back on the hottest day of summer? To be seen. To be understood, and accepted. To be loved, despite. To have faith, to build something.To be cherished, and needed. Though I usually hesitate to make grand generalizations, I damn well am going to make one now=human beings love this, fight for it, and do quite of bit of crazy to feel it. Ask any bartender.
So I’m here to state,. for the record, out in the sunlight, near the middle of my life, that I sure would like to feel that too. Because I am Lonely. Doesn’t mean I don’t have standards. After all, I threw up my hands just a few weeks ago, declaring, “No more polyamorous, atheist men who don’t want children!”
Doesn’t change anything.
Still lonely.
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Share and Enjoy:
Tara on Thu, 16th Apr 2009 10:43 pm
I really appreciated reading this. Thank you. So love you.
Queenie on Thu, 16th Apr 2009 11:26 pm
Excellent blog post! I am lonely too. And it isn’t bad.
I really liked what you wrote.
Agent Cat Minder on Tue, 21st Apr 2009 11:56 pm
While some may thank a friend for coming over to give comfort, I find it very rewarding to offer comfort. It is not only a statement of trust, but it is something that allows me to actively bring more happiness to the world. If this is not the easiest mitsvah in the world, I do not know what is.
So thank you for the books and the opportunity to help.
Ranya on Thu, 23rd Apr 2009 10:55 am
It takes courage be honest with yourself and speak your mind. I appreciate that about you! Thank you for listening the other day. I’m hear to listen to.