Know thyself

November 23, 2009

knowing your own heart.It can be the roughest, strangest, most foreign terrain on Earth.And in Heaven.

I am having the roughest time lately with UNDERSTANDING my own heart. What she wants. Where she goes. I feel a general fog around my path, that obscures even the simplest decisions. I used to SEE with a blaze of fire and insight. I could dance circles around the indecisive, the wishy-washy, the unambitious. Now I find myself slowing at any old physical or emotional speed bump in the road slowing down to 2 mph, when I could be going 15.

Constantly QUESTIONING.I feel insecure. Fragile.

Something like this happened two years ago, around the same time. I’m wondering all the time, is it a weather thing? Is it a battered heart thing? Have I over-extended my trust? Can Promise kindly step up to the mic? Is Promise here? Has anyone seen her lately?

*pause*

*sounds of people shuffling*

I mean what else can I do but wait? ride it out? Sure I could apply the band aid of retail-therapy to this sucker, but how do I get the neosporin-for-the-soul in there if I wrap it up tight in repressive gauze?