Origins-Money Matters & Myth

December 2, 2008

This is the inspiration for naming a whole category about my point of view on money=how it affects us, molds us, and generally changes the course of whole lives in one fell swoop. Amazing stuff, really.

Here’s the post from Feb 2008-

Yesterday marked an important day for me.

A few years ago, two incredible life shifting events happened. The man who raised me for essentially 15 years passed away, and I was working for myself as a cigarette and candy girl. Technically, I was working for someone else, but all the financial responsibility fell to me. Because of the first event, I failed to take care of the second.

Especially when it came to Taxes, and the IRS.
Even after I went to Burning Man, I stuck my proverbial financial neck in the sand. I experienced a kind of second adolescence. Which is funny, since I never really had a first one. A year or two passed, and I still hadn’t filed, or sent a single payment to the IRS in 4 years. When they found out I was working a legit job at a non-profit, they tried to garnish my wages. In a valiant and desperate attempt last May, I worked a deal and now have been paying them a heavy stipend every month (Its like child support payments without the visitation rights) until God Knows How Many Years From Now to pay down my debt. And the fun doesn’t stop there, as I hadn’t even talked to the State of California yet either.
Suffice to say, I’ve been biting the Being a Grownup bullet pretty hard the last year. I now pay almost 40% of my income every month to my back taxes. And yesterday, a light shone through, strong and clear.

By mid-February, one of the three major debts will be paid.
By mid-April, the second of the three major debts will be paid.
and by June, the last and largest of the debts, will be paid, COMPLETELY. AND! I will be current even with 2007 taxes.

What does this mean? Only that for the first time in my life, something mythic, something NEVER before dreamed of will happen. Not only will I be out of debt, completely, but I will be making *more money* than before. I know people who have debt. I even know a small percentage of people who have no debt, but have no $$ either. I don’t know if I know anyone who can claim no debt and still makes money.

Don’t get me wrong-I’m living on $30 for the next two weeks, and so happy in my life its disgusting. And I know the debt thing will rear its head again; as soon as I start my business. But for now, the taste of this sensation, this empowerment,is like tasting chocolate for the first time. Or the taste of a lover you’ve never kissed before, and is wildly more tangy and wonderful than you imagined.

I didn’t learn a single, useful, practical applicable thing about money from my parents’ knees. I’ve fought against my impulsive nature, I’ve raged against the word Responsibility so many times, I feel like the Berlin Wall has come down in my heart.
I can’t believe its taken me this long, and yet.
And yet.

I feel so light and lovely now. Its really just a balancing teeter totter. The System is often set up to help us fail-Mortgages, Marriages, Credit Card offers, Going into Business, Taxable Deductions, retirement plans. Not to mention the labrynithian maze of Tax Season every April.

I thought long yesterday about the title of this blog. Money. It Matters. Money is Matter. Money Matters to my heart. And how mythic this feeling of empowerment that I have given. given!!!!!! as a gift to myself. and the Myth, as I explained to my ex this morning on the phone, how the myth of it affects us all.

I am astounded for my future. I’m proud of how smart and kind and forgiving I’ve been to myself. I don’t apologize for my past slack offs, I just stand up outta the dust where I’ve landed on my emotional ass, laugh a little, brush myself off, and get back to doing the work I’ve gotta do.

I’m proud of me. I’m happy I’m here. In every way possible. I think my dad would be proud too.

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